when change is no holiday

As a mother of a beautiful Aspe, day to day living is always throwing interesting challenges my way!

One of those challenges is dealing with change.

Most people with Asperger's Syndrome would rather everything in their lives stay the same... but as much as we try to control it, unfortunately the only constant is change.

Many of the qualities in people with Asperger's Syndrome, may be a result of them trying to stop change and create a predictable and constant environment for themselves.
Think playground, only wanting to play their own games, or taking over group assignments in the classroom, these things remove the unknown for them.
Given time and good peers, they will learn to compromise and get used to unpredictable friends. (So align yourselves with caring peers and help your person with Asperger's Syndrome nurture friendships if you can.)

Focusing on a special interest creates a very predictable pastime, making people with Asperger's Syndrome feel safe. It can be a place they turn to for relief of stress.

Some examples of change that may create anxiety in Aspe's may surprise you. I've noticed in my circles, quite distressing change can range from fear of becoming an adolescent, moving house, relief teachers, daily changes in the news, not having favourite underwear in the right drawer, a favourite shop closing down, a sleep over at a friends house or holidays, etc.

Interestingly, I have noticed actual grief occur when unwanted changes happen within a special interest. (More about this later.)

Some tips for helping our friends through change are:

-Give as much warning as possible of daily events.
e.g. "Today when I pick you up from school, we'll be going to the post office before we go home."
e.g.2. "There will be an extra visitor at Christmas lunch, she's Nana's new neighbour and is a very lovely lady who likes gardening".
e.g.3. I once had a teacher that would text me if she was going to be away that day! (Wow.. you can't ask for more than that!) and that enabled me to prepare my son better for the day.

- Keep a weekly schedule complete with clocks, words and pictures of activities.
If that seems too hard, just have a basic hand drawn schedule of weekly events in columns & rows and blue tack it next to the front door. (e.g. Monday, band, normal uniform. Tuesday, library day - take library bag & book, normal uniform. Wednesday, sports uniform... etc, and it's easy to change it week to week if you need.) Something basic is better than nothing at all.

- If you have a particularly challenging day coming up, make up a schedule, also with clocks, words and pictures, just for that day. (stick figures are an easy picture you can use.) and read it together a few times so they feel comfortable with the information before it happens.

- Try and be organised the day before. e.g. pack school bag together the night before, talk about the next day. (Don't pack the lunch though .. yuck, soggy sandwiches!)

- Have fun together, every chance you get, if your family & friends are willing.
Plan something fun together and have a laugh. Go to the ice cream shop, see a movie, go for a walk or swim. Try not to feel bogged down in routine, it's nice to know good things happen outside your schedule too!.. however, always ask and talk about your plans first and if a little spontaneity doesn't work out for the fun stuff, schedule it in!

There are many factors that contribute to meltdowns and problems coping with life, change is just one of them.

Good luck with your schedules! (I know I need to take my own advice and get organised!)

Stay calm, stay kind and stay tuned!