A few words about my son...

Asher is one of the nicest guys you could ever meet.

He's honest, trustworthy, compassionate and loyal. He always wants to do the right thing.

He's also quick witted, funny and loves to entertain you.

He's a perfectionist.

Asher is a big thinker. He is capable of deep and complex thoughts.

He could blow you away with some of the amazing concepts he comes up with, they are truly beyond his years.

He also sports a great memory.

Strike up a conversation with Asher about his special interests and you'll be in oar forever.

His interests have changed over the years, mostly being age specific. 

Moving from subjects like Ben Ten and Star Wars. To last years Green Sea Turtles and Doctor Who.

This year he has taken on fashion, learning every detail of a mans apparel, (don't be surprised if he tells you what type of cuff you're wearing), and Japanese. 

He is throwing himself into Japanese anime and iPad translators, frequenting Asian grocers in search of anything Japanese and begging us for our next family holiday to be in Japan.

Asher is such a big thinker that he usually has trouble sleeping and is prone to deep depression and anxiety.

In this regard would take away his suffering in a heartbeat, but we wouldn't change him for the world.

His pure heart and amazing personality makes the world a better place. We are all blessed to know him.

Thanks

Martine

The Race

Hi everyone,
It's been a while, but I'm going to attempt to add new posts a lot more often now.

I recently wrote a story about my son and a friend published it in his Sunday newspaper column.
Cute story, he wanted to change his name for privacy reasons, so he chose Theta Sigma as his new name, (after Doctor Who's nick name), we compromised & named him Siggy for short. I think it's gonna stick!
Here's "Siggy's" story:

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/everyone-a-winner-in-tearjerker-race-to-the-finish-20110528-1f9mi.html

Everyone a 

winner in 

tear-jerker 

race to the finish

Andrew Daddo

May 29, 2011

I'VE always been suss on those sucky, emotional emails with animals in baby clothes or inspirational stories offering Irish luck if you send them on.

But sometimes, and admittedly it's not often, something arrives that's genuinely inspirational and doesn't ask to be shared with anyone. The only reason I read the email was because it was written by an actual, real-life friend.

It went a lot like this: ''If you're looking for heart-warming, tear-jerking, inspirational story, you might have to look elsewhere, but I do have a story that was all those things for me!

''Let me tell you about Siggy: an intelligent, weird, hilariously witty, different, but supremely cool in an unusual way kind of kid. Whilst  Asperger's syndrome doesn't necessarily define him, he could be the pin-up boy for the condition. As the experts say, 'You know one person with Asperger's, you know one person with Asperger's!'

''Anyhoo, we have our ups and downs. Siggy's 12 and has a constant struggle with depression and anxiety. There is so much going on in his amazing mind he has a lot of meltdowns and emotional crashes … and as you're only as happy as your saddest child, I ride that roller-coaster too.

''We found out officially that Sigs was on the spectrum when he was in year 2. Aged 7. The advice was to keep it secret because labelling a child was like putting a target on him. But in year 3, his teacher and I devised a program to tell the other kids in his class, hoping to set up a type of buddy system. It was so successful, we told the whole year and since then, everyone has looked after him. Everyone. It proved what I suspected; that with knowledge comes understanding. It is extremely uncool to bully him, so it just doesn't happen.

''I know that anything worthwhile is hard work and Siggy is worth every tear, I just never imagined the elation I would feel when he was voted by his peers to be house captain. This is unheard of for an Aspie, and the outpouring of joy from all the parents and kids almost killed me. It was truly the happiest day of my life.

''As house captain, Siggy's racked up a few mental health days but as the school cross country approached, the monster meltdowns were getting tougher … he could have opted out, but as house captain, wouldn't hear of it.

''Race day went quite well and eventually, the last race was called. Siggy's race, a three-kilometre marathon. He quickly fell behind but kept trying. One of the teachers saw him at the back of the field, alone, and ran with him offering inspiration and someone to chat to. Then, one by one, as the kids finished their own race, they returned to the field to run with him. By the time Siggy was on his last lap he had over 20 kids running alongside him.

''It didn't take long for the crowd to start cheering and the rest of year 6, I kid you not, THE ENTIRE YEAR rallied to meet him on the last bend. They all finished together, Siggy's giant heart was pounding, he was running as fast as he could with a huge smile on his face. Meanwhile, I'm bawling my eyes out, trying to take photos.

''It's the perfect metaphor for his life so far. Everyone finished the race together!

''You don't have to share this with anybody, I just thought you might like it yourself.''

 

Steve

I'm thrilled to add to our Awesome Aspies list, the world famous psychologist and author Steve Biddulph.
He, amongst other things, has successfully shaped the way we think about raising children, neuro-typical or otherwise and is one of my personal heros. He was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome as a child.

http://www.stevebiddulph.com/

Pressure

I think it's great to tell your friends and family about all the fabulous, successful Aspies out there in the world. It helps the neurotypical community understand that people with Asperger's Syndrome are normal people with amazing minds and limitless potential to achieve great things.

It is important to be mindful not to put too much pressure on children with Asperger's though. When my son was about 8 years old, we made the mistake of telling him about people with Asperger's whom also happened to be savants. He subsequently felt inadequate when he couldn't, for example, recite pi up to one million decimal places, creating unwanted anxiety about his own achievements, which he should have been very proud of. Needless to say we don't do that anymore!

Now that our son is a few years older, he feels both comforted and excited about sharing his condition with the "Awesome Aspies" I mentioned in yesterday's post.

Awesome Aspies

If you look around, you may be surprised who has Asperger's Syndrome or Asperger's Traits.

Most people are aware that Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Mozart and Vincent Van Gogh are likely candidates for Asperger's Syndrome.

Albert Einstein stuck out his tongue for a photographer on his 72nd birthday in 1951. 

Einstein was a theoretical physicist who changed the world with his theories. Like his Special and General Theories of Relativity, Quantum Theory and Unified Field Theory.

For more info see:  http://einstein.biz/

Bill Gates. Apparently no-one can write software code like he can.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 1756 - 1791

Was composing small works of classical music at the age of 5. 

This is one of many Vincent Van Gogh self portraits, painted in 1889.

Did you know that actor Dan Aykroyd was diagnosed with mild Asperger's and Torrette's Syndrome as a child?

Dan Aykroyd in "Ghostbusters" the movie, 1984.

Steven Speilberg was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome as an adult.

Lead singer of the super rock'in Aussie band "The Vines", Craig Nicholls, has Asperger's Syndrome. 

Check out The Vine's MySpace page:  http://www.myspace.com/thevines

Lady Hawke, (one of our family favourites), has Asperger's Syndrome.

Check out Lady Hawke's MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/ladyhawkerock

Clay Marzo, champion surfer, also has Asperger's Syndrome.

The Life That Time Forgot

In my past life, pre-kids, I was the complete contrast to my Aspie son. A social maniac. I had more friends than I could count and I loved to go out and have fun. My wonderful friends were a hoot and I was a happy camper.

Even though my friends are still there for me, we all followed different paths in life and gradually saw less and less of each other.

My focus became my children and my memories of the past were misplaced.

Nowadays I spend my time feeding, managing and entertaining my kids, unsuccessfully trying to teach our dog to talk (a simple "hello" would suffice), avoiding housework and occasionally dabbling in paid work, somewhere along the line I seem to have forgotten how to interact with people my own age.

Dear old hubby and I rarely get the opportunity to converse before we flop our weary bodies into bed at some ungodly hour and if ever I get a moment to myself (ha ha.. like that ever happens!) all I want to do is relax and enjoy the peace.

I daydream about escaping to a luxury hotel room alone - a big bed, room service and someone else doing the cleaning.

However, this week I have discovered that catching up with old friends does wonders for my mood and hence makes me a better primary carer (aka mum)!

So listen up friends and family of primary carers with a child on the Autism Spectrum! If your friend once enjoyed socialising, (not all parents did), they will again. Offer to mind those kids and send that primary carer out. Remind them of what grown-ups like to talk about (other than kids) and providing they are not candidates for driver fatigue, (let them sleep if that's the case), encourage them to catch up with friends, old or new or do something they think is fun and let the healing begin!

It's very hard nurturing friendships when members of your family prefer to be without visitors and often prefer not to socialise publicly. (This can end up rubbing off on all the family members.)

Some parents feel a deeper sense of loneliness and depression, which is common when caring for special needs children. This may require a more aggressive approach to acquiring "me time" and can be the least of their problems. (Reaching out is often the last thing you want to do when suffering from depression. That is why family and friends should take some responsibility in looking for the signs of depression and encourage their friend or family member to talk to their GP at least).

For more information on depression:

The Black Dog Institute:   http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/public/depression/depressionexplained/index.cfm

Beyond Blue:
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=89.579  

If this rings true for you, it may not be as simple as getting a babysitter once in a while. Make sure you are under the care of your GP and discuss all options in helping your situation.

Sometimes you have to make some more substantial decisions in order to create a happier life. Change jobs or lessen your hours at work if you can. Don't do housework for a day a week, or even better, get a cleaner (I wish), rearrange your family schedule to include you. Organise regular help for the kids.

Think outside the square of your life and make a drastic change and don't forget in Australia, you can apply for a mental health care plan through your GP. This enables you to seek professional counselling through a psychologist or psychiatrist with a heavily increased rebate from medicare. I've got one and I love my sessions with my psychologist. More info:
http://www.racgp.org.au/Content/NavigationMenu/Patients/Factsheets/200709Infoforconsumers_MentalHealth.pdf


The primary carer's happiness is extremely important to ensure success for your family. Do what you have to do to make it happen!

Good luck! Pursue happiness, stay kind, stay calm and stay tuned!

As promised: A "Busy Day Schedule" Template